Matrimonial Issues Driving Men to Suicide

August 13, 2017 – 6:58 pm

On August 10, 2017 IAS Officer and Buxar district (Bihar) magistrate Mukesh Pandey gave up on his life on a railway track at Ghaziabad near Delhi. He was all of 29 years old and probably had a bright career ahead of him. Why did he take this extreme step?

Hindustan Times quoted one member of his family from Guwahati saying – “He seemed disturbed because of differences with his wife”. A suicide note was also found on his body which stated – ” I am fed up with life and my belief in human existence has gone. ” This piece of paper also told about a suicide note that he left in his hotel room.

Mostly it is said that men commit suicide as sudden rush of negative emotions engulfs them. But here Mukesh Pandey made elaborate plans for committing the suicide. He had recorded a video of his plan of committing suicide and why he is committing suicide at the Buxar circuit house.

Then he travels around 1000 km to Delhi to execute his plan. He probably did not wanted his sad end in the area where he was administrative head. Or probably he wanted the last days of his life to more peaceful. He clearly tells that he and his wife are not compatible. He also mentioned that she is aggressive and he is fed up of the fights between his wife and his parents. It is not very difficult to infer from here that matrimonial issues has led to his death. Matrimonial issues has driven men to mental imbalance and suicide regularly. And the numbers are rising year by year according to NCRB data.

Society puts excessive expectation on man and if he is not able to meet any one of them then he is named and shamed. The laws of the country on the other hand are also biased. Looks like the sole role of men in this society is just to provide and if he is unable to do so then he will be named and shamed. Society and law also creates a cage around marriage. They expect the men to be in a marriage even if it is not working out, if he facing domestic violence etc. The state also puts incentives around these by enacting various laws which are used to harass men and his family. But the society and the government forgets when people are caged and there is no way out, either they will kill themselves or the other person.

If a relationship is not working, people in the relation should be able to leave without causing harm to one another. Trying to cage or force them to stay will be detrimental for their well being and society in the long run. Breaking of a relation in itself is a huge emotional trauma and if we put more barriers around it then we will continue to have more stories like IAS Officer Mukesh Pandey.

Tips for Remarriage for MEN with Divorced/Widowed Women

July 19, 2017 – 5:18 pm

1. While selecting the girl always select the working lady and she must have equivalent salary/income with yours. Don’t forget to ensure by asking proof of her income by way of Income tax return. The girl who don’t pay income tax ignore her. (So that if she file false Cr.P.C. 125 and DV case upon you then you don’t need pay maintenance to her and also she should not get legal aid )

2. Make full background check of the girl and also of her father/mother/brother/sister. If any of her siblings ever filed 498A/Cr.P.C. 125/DV then reject her immediately.

3. Make sure to check if the girl ever filed any of the cases like Cr.P.C. 125/DV/498A on her previous husband.

4. As you might be the new ASS (Bakra) for her, always insist over asking the details of her previous marriage and the address of her previous husband. Then meet her previous husband/ Father-in-law/mother-in-law/sister-in-law/bother-in-law……… and check if there is any false details given by her to trap you. Then immediately reject her.

5. Ask for the divorce papers and check if there is any compromise deed, and check if the previous husband paid her any alimony…. (if the answer is yes… then reject her)

6. Don’t forget to check the reasons behind her previous divorce, never trust the girl or her family blindly. Always crosscheck with her previous husband and his family. if anything is suspicious then reject her immediately.

7. Check if she has any kids.
(a) If Yes and living with her then reject her because she is the one behind separating a child from his/her father.
(b) If yes and kids living with her previous husband even then immediately reject her because she has not any heart and if she can’t be a good mother then she can’t be a good wife.

7. Even if all above points go in your favor and you decide to marry that girl, then do the court marriage and don’t forget to enclose affidavit containing few details like girl’s income, marriage is without dowry, marriage is simple, etc. with your marriage registration so that it may help you in future if any problem comes.

8. After the marriage or before marriage never tell you wife about your actual income. Never tell her about your any properties.

9. Never be in hurry for planning for kids, at least take 2 years to fully understand her.

10. Never ever open a joint savings account or locker with your wife.



Courtesy: Written  N V

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