I went downstairs for breakfast hoping my wife would be pleasant and say, ‘Happy Birthday!’, and possibly have a small present for me.

As it turned out, she barely said good morning, let alone ‘ Happy Birthday.’

I thought…..

Well, that’s marriage for you, but the kids… They will remember.

My kids came bounding down stairs to breakfast and didn’t say a word.. So when I left for the office, I felt pretty low and somewhat despondent.

As I walked into my office, my secretary Jane said, ‘Good Morning Boss, and by the way Happy Birthday ! ‘ It felt a little better
that at least someone had remembered.

I worked until one o’clock , when Jane knocked on my door and said, ‘You know, It’s such a beautiful day outside, and it is your Birthday,
what do you say we go out to lunch, just you and me..’ I said, Thanks, Jane, that’s the greatest thing I’ve heard all day. Let’s go !’

We went to lunch. But we didn’t go where we normally would go.
She chose instead a quiet bistro with a private table. We had two martinis each and I enjoyed the meal tremendously.

On the way back to the office, Jane said, ‘You know, It’s such a beautiful day… We don’t need to go straight back to the office,
Do We ?’

I responded, ‘I guess not. What do you have in mind ?’ She said,
‘Let’s drop by my apartment, it’s just around the corner.’

After arriving at her apartment, Jane turned to me and said,

‘ Boss, if you don’t mind, I’m going to step into the bedroom for just a moment. I’ll be right back.’ ‘Ok.’ I nervously replied.

She went into the bedroom and, after a couple of minutes, she came out carrying a huge birthday cake … Followed by my wife, my kids,
and dozens of my friends and co-workers, all singing ‘Happy Birthday’.

And I just sat there…. On the couch… Naked.

‘Dear God: Thank you very much for sending the money.
However, I noticed that you sent it through the Rashtrapati Bhavan in New Delhi, and those donkeys deducted Rs.30 as tax ……

WHEN I CAME DRENCHED IN THE RAIN…………………

BRO SAID : “ WHY DON’T YOU TAKE AN UMBRELLA WITH YOU?”

SISTER SAID:”WHY DIDN’T YOU WAIT TILL IT STOPPED”

DAD ANGRILIY SAID: “ONLY AFTER GETTING COLD YOU WILL REALISE”.

BUT MY MOM AS SHE WAS DRYING MY HAIR SAID”

“STUPID RAIN”

THAT’S MOM!!!

One day, my father asked me to drive him to town for an all-day
conference, and I jumped at the chance. …….

When I dropped my father off that morning, he said, ‘I will meet you
here at 5:00 p.m., and we will go home together.’ After hurriedly
completing my chores, I went straight to the nearest movie theatre. I
got so engrossed in a John Wayne double feature that I forgot the time. It was 5:30 before I remembered. By the time I ran to the garage and got the car and hurried to where my father was waiting for me, it was almost 6:00.

“He anxiously asked me, ‘Why were you late?’ I was so ashamed of
telling him I was watching a John Wayne western movie that I said, ‘The car wasn’t ready, so I had to wait,’ not realising that he had already called the garage.

When he caught me in the lie, he said: ‘There’s something wrong in the
way I brought you up that didn’t give you the confidence to tell me the
truth. In order to figure out where I went wrong with you, I’m going to walk home 18 miles and think about it.’ So, dressed in his suit and dress shoes, he began to walk home in the dark on mostly unpaved, unlit roads. I couldn’t leave him, so for five-and-a-half hours I drove behind him, watching my father go through this agony for a stupid lie that I uttered. I decided then and there that I was never going to lie again.

I often think about that episode and wonder if he had punished me, the
way we punish our children, whether I would have learned a lesson at
all. I don’t think so. I would have suffered the punishment and gone on
doing the same thing. But this single non-violent action was so
powerful that it is still as if it happened yesterday. That is the power of
non-violence.”

CIGARETTE:
A pinch of tobacco
rolled in paper
with fire at one end
and a fool at the other!

MARRIAGE:
It’s an agreement wherein a man loses
his bachelor degree and a woman gains
her master

LECTURE:
An art of transmitting Information
from the notes of the lecturer
to the notes of students
without passing through the minds
of either

CONFERENCE:
The confusion of one man
multiplied by the
number present
definition of compromise

COMPROMISE:
The art of dividing
a cake in such a way that
everybody believes
he got the biggest piece

TEARS:
The hydraulic force by which
masculine will power is
defeated by feminine water-power!

DICTIONARY:
A place where divorce comes
before marriage

CONFERENCE ROOM:
A place where everybody talks,
nobody listens
and everybody disagrees later on

ECSTASY:
A feeling when you feel
you are going to feel
a feeling
you have never felt before

CLASSIC:
A book
which people praise,
but never read

SMILE:
A curve
that can set
a lot of things straight!

OFFICE:
A place
where you can relax
after your strenuous
home life

YAWN:
The only time
when some married men
ever get to open
their mouth

ETC:
A sign
to make others believe
that you know
more than
you actually do

COMMITTEE:
Individuals
who can do
nothing individually
and sit to decide
that nothing can be done
together

EXPERIENCE:
The name
men give
to their
Mistakes

ATOM BOMB:
An invention
to bring an end
to all
inventions

PHILOSOPHER:
A fool
who torments himself
during life,
to be spoken of
when dead

DIPLOMAT:
A person
who tells you
to go to hell
in such a way
that you actually look forward
to the trip

OPPORTUNIST:
A person
who starts taking bath
if he
accidentally falls
into a river

OPTIMIST:
A person
who while falling
from EIFFEL TOWER
says in midway
“SEE I AM NOT INJURED YET!”

PESSIMIST:
A person
who says that
O is the last letter
in ZERO,
Instead of the first letter
in OPPORTUNITY

MISER:
A person
who lives poor
so that
he can die RICH!

FATHER:
A banker
provided by
nature

CRIMINAL:
A guy
no different
from the other,
unless he gets caught

BOSS:
Someone
who is early
when you are late
and late
when you are early

POLITICIAN:
One who
shakes your hand
before elections
and your Confidence
Later

DOCTOR:
A person
who kills
your ills
by pills,
and kills you
by his bills!

VATICAN HUMOR

After getting all of Pope Benedict’s luggage loaded into the limo, (and he
doesn’t travel light), the driver notices the Pope is still standing on the
curb.

“Excuse me, Your Holiness,” says the driver, “Would you please take your
seat so we can leave?”

“Well, to tell you the truth,” says the Pope, “they never let me drive at
the Vatican when I was a cardinal, and I’d really like to drive today.”

“I’m sorry, Your Holiness, but I cannot let you do that. I’d lose my job!
What if something should happen?” protests the driver, wishing he’d never
gone to work that morning.

“Who’s going to tell?” says the Pope with a smile?

Reluctantly, the driver gets in the back as the Pope climbs in behind the
wheel. The driver quickly regrets his decision when, after exiting the
airport, the Pontiff floors it, accelerating the limo to 205 kph.
(Remember, the Pope is German.)

“Please slow down, Your Holiness!” pleads the worried driver, but the Pope
keeps the pedal to the metal until they hear sirens.

“Oh, dear God, I’m going to lose my license — and my job!” moans the
driver.

The Pope pulls over and rolls down the window as the cop approaches, but the
cop takes one look at him, goes back to his motorcycle, and gets on the
radio.

“I need to talk to the Chief,” he says to the dispatcher.

The Chief gets on the radio and the cop tells him that he’s stopped a limo
going 205 kph.

“So bust him,” says the Chief.

“I don’t think we want to do that, he’s really important,” said the cop.

The Chief exclaimed,” All the more reason!”

“No, I mean really important,” said the cop with a bit of persistence.

The Chief then asked, “Who do you have there, the mayor?”

Cop: “Bigger.”

Chief: ” A senator?”

Cop: “Bigger.”

Chief: “The Prime Minister?”

Cop: “Bigger.”

Well,” said the Chief, “Who is it?”

Cop: “I think it’s God!”

The Chief is even more puzzled and curious, “What makes you think it’s God?”

Cop: “His chauffeur is the Pope!”

1)   Mobile 
Don’t put your mobile closer to your ears until the
 recipient answers, Because directly after dialing, the
 mobile phone would use it’s maximum signaling power,
 which is: 2watts = 33dbi. Please Be Careful. Please use left
 ear while using cell (mobile), because if you use the right
 one it may affect brain directly. This is a true fact from
 Apollo medical team. 

2)    APPY FIZZ 
Do not drink APPY FIZZ . It contains cancer causing 
 agent. 

3)    Mentos 
Don’t eat Mentos before or after drinking Coke or
Pepsi coz the person will die immediately as the mixture
becomes cyanide. Please fwd to whom u care 

4)    Kurkure 
 Don’t eat kurkure because it contains high amount of
plastic if U don’t Believe burn kurkure n u can see
plastic melting. Please forward to all!!!!!!!!!!! News
report from Times of India  

5) Avoid these tablets as they are very dangerous 
* D cold 
* Vicks action- 500 
* Actified 
* Coldarin 
* Co some 
* Nice 
* Nimulid 
* Cetrizet-D 

They contain Phenyl- Propanol -Amide PPA.Which Causes
strokes, and these tablets are banned in U.S.  

6) Cotton Ear Buds 
Cotton Ear Buds… (Must read it) Please do not show
sympathy to people selling buds on roadside or at
Signals….. Just wanted to warn you people not to buy those
packs of ear buds you get at the roadside. It’s made
from cotton that has already been used in hospitals. They
take all the dirty, blood and pus filled cotton, wash it,
bleach it and use it to make ear buds. So, unless you want
to become the first person in the world to get Herpes Zoster
Oticus (a viral infection of the inner, middle, and external
ear) of the ear and that too from a cotton bud, DON’T
BUY THEM! Please forward to all this may be helpful for
someone………… Please forward to all your near and dear
ones….! 

Dr. T. S. Roy MD, PhD 
Professor 
Department of Anatomy 
All India Institute of Medical Sciences 
New Delhi – 110 029 
Phone: 91-11-26594880 
Fax: 91-11-26588663, 26588641 

Dr Rima Dada, M.D., Ph.D(Genetics), MAMS 
Associate Professor, 
Dept of Anatomy, 
All India Institute of Medical Sciences(AIIMS) 
New Delhi 
110029-INDIA